


The Poker Game

by SailorLestrade



Category: Bon Jovi (Band), Guns N' Roses, Mötley Crüe, Poison (US Band), Skid Row (US Band), The Dirt (2019), Warrant (Band)
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Funny, M/M, Poker, UNO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 03:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21468991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorLestrade/pseuds/SailorLestrade
Summary: Vince Neil, Axl Rose, Bret Michaels, Sebastian Bach, Jani Lane, and Jon Bon Jovi are sitting down for a poker game. Vince is a little low to make the bet, but he knows that his hand is the winner. He just knows it.
Relationships: Axl Rose/Slash | Saul Hudson, Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	The Poker Game

**Author's Note:**

> Just a random crack fic because I was bored.

Smoke filled the room as Axl puffed on his cigarette while Jon dealt out the cars. Vince poured himself and Jani another glass of whiskey, Bret was just sticking to water, and Sebastian was all about his vodka. The six frontmen had gotten together for a poker game, since they were all in the same area for a big festival and honestly, being away from the rest of their bands was a nice little break.

“So, your drummer and your bassist are screwing,” Axl laughed. “I figured it’d be you and the bassist.” He gave Vince a smirk.

“Oh, fuck you,” Vince rolled his eyes. “You’re just jealous that you can’t get in on that.”

“Why would I when I got Slash?” Axl shrugged. “You can keep your nasty band to yourself.”

“Are these two always like this?” Jon asked as he dealt out the cards.

“Yeah. Every poker game they argue like this,” Sebastian sighed.

“Just fuck already,” Bret and Jani said as one. Axl and Vince both glared at the blondes.

“Or not,” Jani raised his hands. “Fuck, you two have a mean glare.”

“Can we just play cards already?” Sebastian asked as he picked up his hand. There was a murmur among the group before they started playing and placing their bets. They played a couple hands, just some light jabbing and jokes, telling stupid stories about their bands and all that good shit.

“And then CC,” Bret looked at his cards. “I fold. Anyway, CC went running off naked down the street just because he didn’t want to eat the fucking peppers that Rikki was going to make him eat.”

“That’s some terror twins shit right there,” Jon laughed. “I don’t know how Vince and Mick put up with it. My band is so tame compared to Nikki and Tommy.”

“They’re hilarious man,” Sebastian laughed. “Those two come up with some of the stupidest shit and I love watching them try to do it while hiding from Doc.”

“Okay, I fold too,” Jani laid his cards down as Axl raised the bet. Vince looked in his wallet, and saw that he didn’t have enough to cover the bet, but he looked at his cards and saw he had a straight flush, 2 through 5, all hearts. He knew he was going to win.

“Let’s make this interesting,” Vince grabbed a card from his wallet for a bar that he went to and just never got rid of, and a pen from the table. He wrote on the back of the card and placed it in the middle. Axl picked it up.

“You’re fucking kidding,” Axl laughed. “Nikki’s gonna kill you.”

“Not if I win,” Vince smiled. The other four looked at the card, which was Vince’s bet. He had bet Tommy Lee.

“I’m out,” Jon laid his cards down.

“Me too,” Sebastian added. It was just Vince and Axl now.

“Okay, show me your cards,” Axl laughed. Vince smiled and laid down his straight flush.

“I think I’ll just be taking my goods…” Vince went to reach for the pile, but Axl stopped him.

“Wow, if you’re this premature in bed, no wonder you can’t keep anyone,” Axl laughed. “Gotta see my cards first, don’t you?” He laid his cards out then.

A royal flush.

“Oh my god,” Jani looked over at Vince, who was staring in horror at the offending cards.

“What the fuck did you just do?” Bret asked.

“Oh god, Nikki is going to kill you,” Sebastian added. “Jon, we might as well order the flowers now.”

“Flowers?” Jon asked, looking confused.

“For Vince’s funeral,” Sebastian laughed a little. Axl just smirked.

“I’ll be getting my new drummer soon,” Axl laughed. “I’m sure Steven wouldn’t mind a vacation.” Axl got up with his winnings. “Night guys. I’ll see you later.” He winked at Vince before leaving. Jani, Bret, Sebastian, and Jon all looked at Vince before excusing themselves too.

Vince dreaded telling Nikki and Tommy what he had done. He decided to head back to his room and sleep it off. He’d figure something out in the morning.

****

Nikki was awoke the next morning by knocking on his hotel door. Tommy groaned and moved closer to the bassist, keeping him in bed.

“Just pretend you don’t hear it and they’ll go away,” Tommy whispered, laying his head on Nikki’s chest. Nikki was about to go back to sleep when the knocking started again.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Nikki pulled on a pair of pants and shirt. Tommy groaned and did the same. He flopped back on the bed as Nikki opened the door. There stood Duff, looking slightly annoyed.

“Duff? What the fuck?” Nikki asked. Duff sighed.

“Nikki, all I can say is I’m really sorry about this,” Duff told him.

“What are you talking about?” Nikki asked. Duff sighed and motioned for Izzy and Slash, who held Nikki against the wall while Duff walked in. “What the fuck are you doing? Let me go!”

“Sorry man. We gotta do this or face the wrath of Axl,” Slash sighed. “Go ahead Duff.” Duff reached out and grabbed Tommy, throwing him over his shoulder. He was glad that Tommy was still half asleep, but he was still wiggling like crazy.

“See ya man,” Duff waved by, carrying Tommy out of the room, followed by Slash and Izzy.

****

Vince was asleep, until he heard yelling in the hallway. His eyes snapped open and he sat up to listen.

“Put me down Duff!” Tommy yelled. “Put me down!”

“Sorry, I can’t. Axl won you fair and square. And I’d rather not fight with him,” Duff’s voice flowed through the door.

“What do you mean Axl won him? What the fuck is going on?” Was Nikki’s voice next.

“Dude, Vince bet him in the poker game last night,” Slash explained. “Axl sent us to collect.”

“Oh no,” Vince whispered. He went to lock his door, but it was too late. Nikki threw it open and glared the frontman down. “Nikki, I can explain…”

“You bet Tommy?!” Nikki yelled.

“I thought I was going to win…” Vince told him, backing up until his legs hit his bed.

“So you bet Tommy!” Nikki was fuming. Mick came in then, staring at the two of them.

“What’s going on?” Mick asked. Nikki kept his eyes trained on Vince.

“Our singer decided to bet my boyfriend in his poker game!” Nikki explained. “And he lost!”

“You did what?” Mick asked.

“I had a straight flush!” Vince defended. “What is the likelihood that Axl fucking Rose would have a royal flush?” 

“Oh my god, you lost the drummer to Guns n’ Roses?” Mick groaned. “That’s just great.”

“How was I supposed to know he had a royal flush?” Vince asked. “That’s like, damn near impossible!”

“But he did. And now you have to get Tommy back,” Nikki growled. “Or I will personally end you.”

“You’re joking, right?” Vince asked. “He’s joking…” He looked over at Mick, who shook his head no. “How am I supposed to get him back?”

“Figure it out,” Nikki growled. “And fast.” With that, he stormed out, leaving Vince and Mick in Vince’s hotel room.

****

“You can’t just kidnap people!” Tommy yelled at he was carried to the area Guns n’ Roses was staying at.

“Vince placed the bet. I’m just claiming it.” Axl told him as he smiled at the drummer, who was placed in a chair. “I just plan on keeping you like a day or something. Just to make Vince stew.”

“Am I being replaced?” Steven asked, looking at Tommy.

“No Steven. Just wanted a little fun at Vince’s expense,” Axl patted his back. “Anyway, welcome to Guns n’ Roses, temporary drummer Tommy Lee.”

“Oh god, this is going to be in a book somewhere, isn’t it?” Tommy asked.

“That would be hilarious. Someone write this down so we don’t forget this when we’re doing drugs,” Izzy told them.

“On it,” Slash told him, already writing everything down. “Well find some random song to credit you or something just to piss off Vince even more.”

“God, I love that we’re all thinking the same thing,” Axl laughed. “Okay, who’s hungry?”

****

“How am I supposed to get Tommy back?” Vince asked Jon, Jani, Bret, and Sebastian. He had gotten the four frontmen together for coffee and needed their help to undo what he had done.

“Another poker game?” Jon suggested.

“Yeah because that worked out so great for him last time,” Sebastian added. 

“You guys are super helpful,” Vince groaned, laying his head on the table.

“Maybe kidnap him back?” Jani suggested. “Not like Axl has armed guards keeping him against his will or something.”

“Are we staging a robbery?” Bret asked. “Because I’m game if you guys are.”

“Okay, let’s go steal Tommy back before Nikki fucking kills me,” Vince sighed, downing the rest of his coffee. He stood up, giving Jon, Jani, Bret, and Sebastian a look that told them if they didn’t help him, he would let Nikki tear them apart too. They all stood up and followed him.

****

“Draw four Izzy,” Tommy laughed as he threw down a change of color card. “And I’m feeling very yellow right now.”

“Fuck you Lee,” Izzy grumbled. “That’s the third fucking draw card you’ve used on me. I’m switching spots with Steven.”

“Nah. Us drummers gotta stick together,” Tommy laughed, giving Steven a high five. Duff just shook his head and laid out a yellow card. “Where’s Slash and Axl?”

“You don’t wanna know,” Duff grumbled. “Bad enough we have to hear it.”

“Yeah, let’s just have fun playing Uno,” Steven added.

“At least you guys are having fun!” Izzy held up his large hand of cards. “This fucking blows!”

“Hey, you’re the one who suggested Uno,” Duff told him. “Not our fault you suck at it.”

“First off…” Izzy started, only to be cut off by the door opening up and five frontmen coming in.

“Vince? What are you doing?” Tommy asked, standing up.

“Uh, this is a rescue Leia. Let’s go,” Vince grabbed Tommy’s arm and pulled him.

“A rescue? I’m not in distress,” Tommy tried to pull free from Vince. He wanted to finish his card game. “Vince, let go!”

“Can’t. Your boyfriend is going to literally kill me if I don’t bring you back. So we have to go now.” Vince told him, the other frontmen stopping the rest of Guns n’ Roses from following them.

“I mean, you’re the one that used me as a bet…” Tommy pointed out.

“I had a straight flush!” Vince defended. He tugged Tommy back to where Motley Crue was staying. Nikki and Vince were watching TV when Vince appeared with Tommy. “There! I got him back!”

“I was having fun, we were playing Uno,” Tommy sighed. He looked at Nikki and smiled. “Hey Nik.”

“Next time you run out of money Vince, bet yourself,” Nikki growled, wrapping Tommy up in a hug.

“You know, Axl’s not gonna be happy his winnings just walked off, right?” Mick told them. “And we’re still here with them for two more days.”

“Neil!” Axl’s screech came from the hallway. Axl burst into the room with the rest of his band right behind him. “I was going to give him back like tomorrow before your set! You can’t just take him!”

“He’s our drummer, I’ll take him back,” Vince crossed his arms over his chest.

“You bet him in the first place!” Axl screamed.

“You shouldn’t have put the stakes so high!” Vince called back. Tommy, Nikki, Mick, Izzy, Steven, Duff, and Slash all looked at each other as the two frontmen yelled at each other. Nikki motioned for them to all leave, and Duff nodded. The two bands made their way out of the room, leaving Axl and Vince to yell at each other.

“Where’d they go?” Vince asked.

“Damn it! You lost them!”

“How did I lose them! This is your fault!”

“Oh fuck you Neil!”

“You wish!”

****

“Draw four Mick,” Izzy said, about to lay down the card, but one look at the other guitarist had him changing his mind. “On second thought, I think I’ll just play this seven on that seven…”

“Good choice,” Slash laughed.

“Why are we playing Uno again?” Duff asked.

“Because it’s fun,” Tommy told him. “Right Nik?”

“Right,” Nikki nodded, peeking over Steven’s shoulder at his cards.

“Maybe we should make Vince and Axl play this game instead,” Steven pulled his hand to his chest so Nikki couldn’t see. The bassist gave him a sheepish smile.

“They’d still find a way to screw it up,” Slash told them, laying down his card. Two left and…

“Uno!” Tommy called out, jumping up and smiling.

“I hate this game,” Izzy sighed.

“You’re just jealous you never win,” Mick laughed. “Come on drummer, win already so we can play Slapjack.”

The End


End file.
